


Stepping Out Of Skin We Grew Together

by gonnabeanoctopus (Zee)



Category: Free!
Genre: Angst, Best Friends Making Out, Canon Compliant, Episode Tag, First Time, Friends to Lovers, Kissing, M/M, Makeouts
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-09-17
Updated: 2014-09-17
Packaged: 2018-02-17 17:24:40
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,295
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2317424
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Zee/pseuds/gonnabeanoctopus
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>He and Makoto never fought and definitely never yelled at each other. This was something new and awful, a sudden dangerous rapid where before there had only been calm waters.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Stepping Out Of Skin We Grew Together

**Author's Note:**

> Just a quick Makoharu tag for Episode 11. Title is from "A Skeleton On Display" by Now It's Overhead. Inspired by this piece of fanart: http://mstrmagnolia.tumblr.com/post/97562101916/kiss-me-hard-before-you-go
> 
> Thanks to arisaema for the quick beta.

Haru did it because he didn't know what else to do. Makoto’s fingers around his wrist were so tight it hurt, like his grip was everything that was keeping Haru from being free. When Haru pushed back and shouted, Makoto just held on. It made something tight and hot grow in Haru’s chest until he felt that he was going to explode like the firecrackers over their heads. 

This didn't feel like fighting with Rin, which Haru was used to. He and Makoto never fought and definitely never yelled at each other. This was something new and awful, a sudden dangerous rapid where before there had only been calm waters.

"I _have_ decided," Makoto was saying, and Haru couldn't bear it, couldn't listen to anything else Makoto had to say. There was nothing Makoto could say about his future that wasn’t terrifying. 

The only thing Haru was left with to fight off Makoto’s future was the present moment. So he made the moment into as large a thing as he possibly could, by grabbing the front of Makoto's shirt and kissing him. 

It was born out of panic, out of a desperate need to make time stop moving forward. Haru kissed him and as soon as their lips met, he realized that this was something that would change their relationship forever, something he could never take back.

Makoto made a surprised noise against Haru's mouth, but he didn't push Haru away. He was stiff for just a few moments before he softened, his lips parting. Makoto leaned down so that Haru didn’t have to be on his tiptoes to reach him, and then Haru felt one of Makoto’s broad hands settle on the small of his back. 

Haru tightened his grip on Makoto’s shirt and yanked so that their teeth clicked together. It seemed necessary to open his mouth, to slide his tongue alongside Makoto’s. Makoto made a high-pitched breathy noise when Haru did so, and his hand on Haru’s back was as gentle as Haru’s grip was fraught.

“Haru…” Makoto murmured when Haru finally let go of him. Haru gritted his teeth and bent his head to touch his brow against Makoto’s shoulder.

“Don’t say it. Don’t say anything.” 

“Tch. Haru, I didn’t know that you--do you really feel this way?”

And Haru didn’t, was the thing. Or he didn’t know if he did or not. He’d thought about Makoto before, thought about him in the bath or when he was alone in the pool, and sometimes those thoughts would be about him kissing Makoto. But it was always so impossible to imagine, so separate from the friendship he and Makoto shared, never something that Haru would actually think to act on.

Except that he had just acted on it. Haru could barely believe himself. 

Makoto’s hand came up to pet Haru’s hair, his fingers carding through the strands. Haru could feel his intake of breath against his own chest and knew that Makoto was about to start talking again; Haru didn’t want that. He lifted his head to kiss Makoto again, his lips searching out Makoto’s insistently. Makoto acquiesced, his mouth opening wet and warm beneath Haru’s tongue. 

Most of Haru still couldn’t believe they were doing this. So many years of Makoto being the thing Haru could rely upon to never change, and now just like that it was different. Haru knew it was his fault, but the realization still rocked him to the core. 

Makoto was the one to break the kiss. “Haru--stop,” he said, his hands now on Haru’s shoulders, gently pushing him back. 

Haru shook his head. “Why?”

Makoto frowned down at him. “Because this is crazy! Or at least--sudden. And--”Makoto narrowed his eyes at him. “You just don’t want to hear what I have to say.”

Haru still hadn’t let go of Makoto’s shirt. He focused on the feel of the material, soft between his fingers, rather than what Makoto was saying. His tears were drying cold on his cheeks and he was close enough that he could feel Makoto’s breath on his forehead, ruffling his hair. 

Haru shook his head, his heart still beating hard from the fight. "I dont! I'm tired of hearing what you have to say. I don't care.”

Makoto frowned, and Haru felt his hand press against the small of his back. Makoto's hands were big, with long, thin fingers. Haru wanted to be held by those hands. Mostly though, he didn't want Makoto to keep talking.

"I don't believe you!” Makoto said. “You care, I know you care- mmf-"

Haru yanked Makoto's head back down into another kiss. This time he pushed at Makoto’s mouth insistently, urging his lips open so that Haru could get his tongue inside Makoto’s mouth. Haru was sick of talking. He pushed at Makoto and Makoto let him, moving backwards until his back was against the railing. 

Makoto kissed slowly and hesitantly, and it seemed like ages before his arms tightened around Haru, before he drew Haru in. But then, oh, then it was good: Makoto squeezing him close and surrounding him, making soft noises into Haru’s mouth when Haru scraped his teeth over Makoto’s bottom lip. He wasn’t protesting anymore, wasn’t trying to talk about things Haru didn’t want to hear. He was just kissing back, his mouth wet and warm and welcoming.

Haru lost track of how long they stayed like that, kissing while pressed tightly together. At some point Haru let his hands travel lower, his knuckles brushing against Makoto’s abdomen. Mostly he wanted to see what would happen. Makoto stopped kissing him with a gasp and pulled back, his face bright red. 

“W-what are we doing?” he said, the same fear in his eyes that Haru felt--the fear that they had changed something between them. 

“I don’t know,” Haru said. He didn’t _want_ to know. He wanted to leap blindly into whatever this new thing was--if everyone wanted him to find a future so badly then he’d find one here, in Makoto’s grasp. Makoto’s green eyes were on him and their gaze made Haru feel safe, as it always did. Together they could take this present moment and stretch it, make it last forever. 

But Makoto wasn’t going with it the way Haru wanted him to. He took the hand that Haru had been trying to touch him with and clasped their hands together, holding tight. When he looked into Haru’s eyes, he was determined.

“I’m going to a university in Tokyo,” Makoto said, and there was nothing Haru could do to stop the words this time, nothing Haru could do to avoid hearing this. 

He stepped back, shaking his hand loose of Makoto’s grip. Above them, colors flashed in the sky. So that kiss had done nothing: Makoto was still leaving him.

“Do whatever you want,” Haru said. He could barely hear his own voice over the roaring in his ears, could barely hear it when Makoto called his name. The kissing had backfired, because it hadn’t stopped anything and now everything just hurt even worse. Bad enough for Makoto to leave him, but to leave him after they’d only just barely discovered this fragile thing that they could build between themselves? So much worse. Haru felt bruised, as if something blunt and heavy had been slammed into his midsection.

He didn’t want the future that Makoto was reaching out for, didn’t want anything that the others prescribed for him, and it seemed like the present moment that he tried to live in was being torn away from him. Haru took a step back, and then another one, and then he was running as fast as he could away from Makoto, away from all of it.


End file.
